My Trip Part #4

(ok - I was going to start adding pictures to my posts, but Blogger is being stubborn again tonight)

The Drive to Panajachel, The Apartment and Dinner

As we headed out of town, things looked very familiar. It was the same route that we took when we went to Antigua.

After about 15 minutes - I'm not sure what happened......I fell asleep. ;)

I woke up about 2 hours (or so) later. Alex had fallen asleep before I did in dad's arms and was still sleeping when I woke up.

I woke up just as we were heading into the mountain part of the trip. I was a little worried as I tend to get motion sickness, but I just kept praying and enjoying the scenery.

Just before getting into the mountains it was field after field after field of various crops; corn, lettuce, onions, etc. The views were beautiful.

I think I was prepared for the trip up the mountain from reading about everyone else's trip. It was very curvy, hilly, no guardrails, etc. One thing that made me laugh is that every now and then there would be a road sign indicating that there was a curvy road up ahead - I don't know if that was necessary as all of the road that we were traveling on was curvy!!

Every now and then we would go through a small village. There were almost always little kids hanging out by the road - playing - or just watching. I kept seeing our kids in those faces - except for my Alex. We were pretty sure that my Alex was not Mayan - at least not in his recent past - this was verified by this trip. My Alex doesn't look anything like the kids I saw on my trip. (Jennifer - I saw Sara running by the side of the road on the way to Pana - I almost gasped - it could have been her twin)

At one point we were in, what I thought, was a pretty desolate part of the road. There was nothing in sight but trees and the mountain. All of the sudden I saw this man in traditional indigenous dress walking out of the woods. Who was he? Where did he come from? Where was he going? I couldn't get this man out of my head. To me, there was NOTHING around there, and I really wondered what he was doing.

I knew we were getting close when Gloria started gathering all of their things. By this time it was raining again, but not as hard as it had been earlier.

I still hadn't had a good glimpse of the lake yet. What I discovered later is that I should have been able to see it, but with the rain/clouds it made seeing all of the scenery a little difficult.

We pulled up to Sharon's house/Mayan Families. Everyone who was in the house came out to see Alex. It was nice to actually meet Sharon and the rest of her staff. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. I was pretty sure I had said my goodbyes to Alex (although I knew that Sharon and I were going to visit the family the next day)

Sharon then told me that she was a little worried about Manuel and Gloria getting home that night. It was starting to get dark, and it was still raining. For them to get home, they were going to have to walk about 30 minutes literally up the side of the mountain. She was also a little worried about Alex's transition.

She asked me if I would be ok with Manuel, Gloria and Alex spending the night with me in the apartment. I hesitated......for longer then I usually hesitate. Sharon quickly noticed my discomfort and said that it would probably be awkward. By this point, I got my wits back to me and said that I'd be willing to do it.

Honestly, I didn't hesitate because of having them in my room, I hesitated because I thought I had said my goodbyes to Alex and I didn't know if I wanted to do it again.

While I was processing all of this in my head, Sharon was calling Patti to see if there was an extra bed in the apartment I was going to be staying in. We found out that there was only one bed, but Patti did have an extra apartment that she offered up to Manuel and Gloria to stay in. The staff asked Manuel and Gloria if they were ok with staying the night in Pana. This way they didn't have to walk up the mountain, they could go in the van with us the next day, and if Alex had a rough night, I would be there to help out.

At this point, my heart was really hurting. I knew that this would be best for Alex, but I didn't think it would best for me.

We took the van over to Patti's apartments. Just a note for any of you who are thinking of visiting Pana - stay at Patti's!!! The apartments are great (I have a video I'll post later), it's right on a busy road on Pana so it's great for people watching, you can't beat the price ($30 per night for one person), and Patti is great!!!

We got Manuel and Gloria settled in their room, and I got settled in mine. I then went into their room to show them the items we brought for them including how to put the pack n play together. I don't know how much they got as we didn't have a translator. I then left them alone to spend some time with Alex.

I went into my room and started getting my stuff organized. This is when I figured out that there was free Wi-Fi and I could communicate back home using my iPOD. That was very interesting - not easy - but I was happy to be able to email Jay and let him know that I made it. I was also able to check my email and my blogs.

I waited for a period of time, and then went back down to their room to see how he was doing. I was very happy to see that they turned the TV on and were watching one of those Spanish soap operas. I have no idea if they have ever had the opportunity to watch TV before or not, but I was glad that they were taking advantage.

On the trip to Pana, and then in the room, Alex would make this sound that sort of sounded like "mama" and he would only say it when he was looking at me. I'm not sure if that's what he was saying, but everyone thought that's what he was doing. I tried to play it off - but it was like a stab in my heart everytime he would say it. I was also trying to read Gloria through all of this. She is 10 months pregnant, and she looked exhausted. I'm sure a combination of not enough food, the pregnancy, and the stress of having her baby boy in another country was all weighing down on her. I also can't imagine how hard it had to be on her to see her child reaching for another mom and calling her mama. My heart also hurt for her.

It was soon time to head to dinner. Sharon, Patti, Patti's friend, and I were going to an Italian restaurant and meeting three ladies from Canada who were also visiting/volunteering with Mayan Families.

It was a beautiful night and the rain had stopped at this point. We made the short walk down to the restaurant. The menu was in both Spanish and English so that made it a little easier to find something to eat.

We had a wonderful evening - great company - great conversation - and a glass of wine for me. :) At this point, the mental/emotional exhaustion was giving way to the physical exhaustion I was feeling. By the time we were done with dinner and heading back to the apartments, it was 10:00 local time (midnight at home). My day had started at 3:45 and was ending around midnight.

I put my ear to Manuel and Gloria's door as I came in and everything sounded quite, so I decided to leave them alone. I got ready for bed, fell in, and almost fell asleep immediately. I think it was a good thing I was so exhausted so I didn't have time to lay in bed missing, Jay, my Alex, and Baby Alex.

Little did I know that Thursday was an easy day compared to what I was in store for on Friday.

Pictures From the Past Posts

Blogger will finally let me post pictures, so these are pictures from the previous posts.

Alex and I in the Louisville airport waiting to board our plane.





These next pictures need no captions, and I'm not sure I could do it anyway.

My Trip Part #3

The Embassy, Guatemala City, and Pollo Compero

As we headed out of the airport to the Embassy, I saw all the familiar sights. It brought back a flood of emotions and memories from Alex's adoption.

We went straight to the Embassy. We parked back behind the Embassy at one of the businesses that takes Visa/Passport pictures. One of the best things I did was put together a little photo album of pictures from both before and after Alex's surgery (as well as a picture of both Big and Little Alex and a picture of the four of us). I wanted Alex to have pictures to remind him and the family of his adventure, plus I was sort of worried that the officials wouldn't think that I was bringing back the same kid!!

Manuel and Gloria poured over the few pictures in the album - as did Aida. Aida then showed the album to just about anyone that would stand still long enough!!

Manuel, Gloria, Alex, Aida and I then went up to the Embassy. The guard wasn't going to let us in. I have no idea what he was saying to Aida - but she talked her way in. I think she knows just about everyone there. We went straight to one of the windows - no waiting - not sure if we were supposed to - again - Aida knows what she's doing.

It was kind of sad to not see ANY adoptive parents. Now, the embassy isn't doing any pink appointments on Thursday, so I knew I wouldn't, but it was still very sad.

The embassy staff took Alex's passport, as well as a copy that Aida had made. They took the photo album to show people in the office, stamped some stuff, filled out another form, and that was it. (I decided this was the place to hit the bathroom - so I took advantage!!)

We then left the embassy (I think we were inside for a total of 15 minutes) and headed back to where the van was. I say was because it wasn't there anymore. :) Aida called Julio, and the answer must have been sufficient, but I had no idea where they were or why we were waiting.

We ended up waiting for almost 30 minutes. It was a nice day, and we were able to go into the photo business and relax.

What I discovered later was that a mother and her four year old son who Mayan Families is helping had come to the city to go to a specialist. Her son has lost his sight in one eye and they are trying to save the other eye. Julio and the van driver had gone to pick them up from the doctor.

We then all got back in the van and started driving back through the city. We dropped Aida off to get some work done - looked like she was getting copies of someone's birth certificate. We then headed to Aida's house.

It was kind of fun to see other parts of the city. Aida lives in what looks like a middle class part of town. Aida, Manuel, Gloria, Julio and Alex went into Aida's house for about 15 minutes.

By this time it was about 3:00 in the afternoon. I thought we were going to head to Pana at this point, but Julio said that none of them had eaten lunch so they wanted to grab something to eat on their way out of town.

He asked me if Pollo Compero was ok - I was actually very excited. In both of our previous trips, we never ate there. I think Julio was surprised that I was so excited to eat at a fast food chicken place!! :) He kept asking me if I liked chicken, and if chicken was ok.

Lunch was delicious!! And you can't go wrong with wonderful fried chicken, french fries and doughnuts for dessert!!!!!

At this point, the afternoon rains had begun. Manuel and I ran out to the van at one point as Alex was getting hungry.

At this point, the only time I held him was when I finished eating, and Manuel and Gloria were trying to eat with a very squirmy 10 month old. I held him to help them out, but it was still hard to give him back to them.

At this point, I was just on the brink of major tears but I was trying to hold it together. What I really wanted to do was just get to where we were going, go into my room, and cry.

So, we were finally off on the 3 hour drive to Pana.

My Trip Part #2

The Handoff

Before my trip, I asked Sharon how I would find the van. She had told Julio to make a sign with my name on it, but he said that they wouldn't have any problem finding us since I would have Alex.

Our plane did land a little early, so I was walking out of the airport at about the time that we were scheduled to land. As we were walking out of the airport, I was scanning the crowd of people who were waiting. I was looking for either Aida (the lady who works with COTA in Guatemala and takes care of all of the paperwork) or Manual and Gloria. I didn't see anyone that I recognized - no one had a sign with my name on it - and my stomach did a little flip.

The porter took my bags across the street to the sidewalk on the other end. He asked me (in very broken English - bless his hear - I couldn't converse with him in Spanish because I'm a dork) if I wanted to borrow his cell phone to call my friends. That's when it hit me - I had NO ONE'S cell phone number - not even Sharon's!! (and my Blackberry and cell phone don't work in Guatemala) I felt so stupid. I had to try to explain to him that I didn't have their number.

He waited with me for a little bit, but then went back inside. Luckily he left the luggage cart with me, so I didn't have to unload my bags.

So, I stood there.....and I stood there.....and I stood there. I had about 10 people offer me their cell phones to call my amigos.....very embarrassing.

I tried not to panic. After all, my plane was early, and I was now on Guatemala time. I kept scanning the crowd looking for a familiar face. I didn't know what I was going to do if I never found them. I thought I might hop one of the hotel shuttles and then see what I could do. At least there, I could get access to a phone and - I don't know what - but something. :)

After about 15 minutes I thought it might be a good idea to go back over to the entrance to the airport and see if I could find anyone. So, I pushed my cart back over the street and started wandering around. (oh the looks I was getting!!!)

All of the sudden I heard, "Alex!!!!" I turned around and there was Aida - and Julio. Ahhh....my heart went back to beating normally, and I felt my whole body relax.

Aida and Julio both gave me big hugs (which was interesting since I was wearing Alex in my Baby Bjorn) Julio and the driver then whisked my bags away and started putting them in the van.

Aida took me over to the van (which was right behind me). I started getting Alex out of the carrier so I could hand him over to mom and dad when the door opened - and there they were - with the biggest smiles on their faces.

I handed Alex over to Manuel and the minute I did that, the tears started coming. They both kissed all over him while I sat in front of them trying so hard to keep from bawling. And then, it happened, Alex started whimpering, and reached for me.

It was heartbreaking. I tried to love on him while he stayed in dad's arms. Eventually, they handed him back to me. So, I held onto him while they loved on him.

Alex really didn't do bad, and other then that first little whimper, he didn't cry. I handed him back to mom and dad, turned around and started crying. Aida, bless her heart, just rubbed my back.

By the time we were done with all of this, the van was loaded with all of my luggage and we were off to the embassy.

My Trip

I think I finally have some time and the mental capacity to start blogging about my amazing trip to Guatemala. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my cord to download pictures off of my camera, so those will have to wait until later. I've also decided to just blog about my whole trip on this blog. I'll probably just post some pictures on Baby Alex's blog when I get home.

I'm also going to break my posts up by event/day. I may blog more then one a day, so be sure to scroll down to make sure you don't miss a post. I can't even begin to count the number of God things that happened on my trip. It's amazing!!! I can't wait to share it with all of you.

Getting to Guatemala

I basically didn't sleep much the week of leaving. I was thinking about what I needed to take, was I going to be able to pack everything, could I leave Jay and Big Alex, could I travel with a 10 month old by myself, would I find everyone that I needed to.......

The night before I got everything packed - three checked bags (one having a pack n play), one carry on and a backpack. The alarm went off at 3:45 am. I wanted to leave the house no later then 5:00. I didn't want to feel rushed at the airport since I was going to have to take care of all of this luggage.

I got out the door without too many tears. When I got to the airport, I got a GREAT parking spot. I was so excited!!! I got one of those luggage carts and loaded up all of my stuff. I went up to the ticket counter and told the lady that I needed to purchase a lap ticket for Alex and that I had three checked bags and that I needed to pay for that. ($150)

She started the process of checking me in and getting Alex's lap ticket. She then told me that I couldn't take a third checked bag to Guatemala because of the embargo. I was surprised because I had called Delta earlier in the week to ask about the third bag (and the person on the phone knew where I was going). She checked her computer and said that I couldn't take the third bag.

Of course, I started crying. I was teetering on the edge anyway, so any little thing was going to push me over!! I apologized and told the lady what I was doing. I asked her to just stop what she was doing as I was going to have to take everything back to the car and repack.

She then asked me if we could call any of my checked bags a "baby item" I told her that we could - and it wouldn't be lieing as the one bag had a pack n play.

She let me check ALL three bags - and she never even charged me the $150!! Can you believe it!!! It was right then that I realized that all of your prayers were protecting and guiding me.

We got through security without a problem and didn't have to wait too long before we boarded the plane. Alex was wanting to get down, and I thought it might be a long day!

The flight from Louisville to Atlanta was pretty full - except my row. Alex and I had NO ONE sitting next to us. It was wonderful. I didn't have to worry about invading anyone's space, I could lay Alex down on the seats next to me, I could use all of the tray tables - it was heavenly!!

We had a very uneventful flight. We had an hour layover in Atlanta. I knew that this would be plenty of time to get from one gate to another. What I didn't know was just how much time we would have. We came in at gate B28 - we were flying out at gate B32. :)

The flight to Guatemala wasn't even 1/4 of the way full. It was kind of sad. In fact, I'm pretty sure there wasn't even any adoptive parents on my flight. So, we had a whole row to ourselves again. Alex fell asleep soon after we got up in the air. I was able to lay him down on the seat and eat the lunch that Delta actually provided. We had a really good flight. Alex did great.

As we landed, I got very emotional. I think it was a combination of what I knew I was getting ready to do, as well as memories from Alex's adoption. (not a good combination!!!!)

As we got off the plane, I about died. For you Guatemama's out there that adopted when I did and haven't been back - you would NEVER recognize the airport!!! It's BEAUTIFUL!!! I could not believe it it. The only thing that upset me is the "Welcome to Guatemala" sign that was just before going through immigration is gone. :(

All of my luggage arrived. (Yeah!!) And I had a luggage steward help me get my luggage off of the conveyor belt and outside.

Prayers Please

I posted a couple weeks ago about some blogs that I find inspiring.

One of them was Leslie's Journey

Leslie was completely healed of her cancer Saturday night when she went to be with her Lord.

Please be praying for her husband, Tyson, their almost 3 year old son, TJ, as well as the rest of her friends and family. Although I never had the honor of meeting Leslie, I know that she married into a great family. I can't imagine what they are going through. She was only 32 years old, and 10 months ago she went in for a minor surgery on her sinuses.

(and I'll begin blogging about my trip later this week - today is laundry, repacking and playing with Alex in preparation for our vacation this week!)

I'm Here and Fine

Just wanted to let people who only read this blog to know that I made it here without a problem and am having a great trip. Alex went back to his house today which was an amazing and emotional trip.

When I get back in the states, I'll blog about Alex specific stuff on my fostering blog and more general trip information on this blog.

Just a Few More Hours

I've cried about 5 times already today - I'm not sure how I'm going to get through tomorrow.

I'm almost as sad about leaving Big Alex for four days as I am about giving Baby Alex back.

I'm also a little concerned because I won't have any access to Jay while I'm gone. I found out that neither my cell phone or Blackberry will work in Guatemala. I had really hoped that I would at least have email access through my Blackberry so I could email Jay. If I find a Wi-Fi I could email from my iPod so we'll see how that goes.

You may not hear from me again until Monday.

What an exciting adventure!!!

Beyond Blessed

Words can not express how blessed I am or how thankful I am.

My blogger friends JuJu and Holly asked blog land to help offset some of my expenses to take Baby Alex back to Guatemala. JuJu knew me well enough to know that she had to TELL me that they were doing this, and not ASK me to do it. :)

I'm not sure what I expected, but I certainly didn't expect the amount I got. You all are the best!!!! I'm still amazed that this group of people, most who I've never met in real life, have blessed my family like you have. (ok - is it who or whom? Too bad Aunt Sandy doesn't read my blog!)

Those of you who donated will receive a personal thank you soon, but I also wanted to put out a public thank you.

Thanks to everyone who donated.

Thanks to everyone who is praying for me. (I almost think I need that more right now then money!!!)

Thanks to everyone who has supported me through this adventure.

Thanks to everyone who is praying for Baby Alex and his family.

And Thanks to this wonderful community - a group of people I would have never met if God had allowed me to get pregnant. ;)

(3 days of work and then I'm off to the Land of the Eternal Spring!!)

My Thoughts

I have lots of questions and thoughts running through my brain. (which is probably why I haven't been sleeping very well lately)

My plan is to list out these questions and then deal with them in separate posts. I may add to this post as I think of other questions.

1. My thoughts on fostering and if I would do it again.

2. Now that we've experienced two kids, do we want another one?

3. If not, can I really parent an only child?

4. If so, where from? (domestic, international - what country)

5. If so, when? Can we afford it? (remember - we are a Dave Ramsey family now - NO DEBT)

6. Why I don't think we did anything special fostering Baby A.

7. What do I want to be when I grow up? :)

8. Could I be a SAHM? Could we afford it?

It Hit Me Today

****EDITED****

John asked the question - and if he asked, other people may be wondering.

No, we don't have to give back our Alex. He's stuck with us forever. ;)

We have to give back our foster son, Alex. You can read about Baby Alex on our fostering blog (look to the left for the link). But, the quick story is Baby Alex is a 10 month old from Guatemala who came to the US for surgery on his cleft lip. He's been here since May 15th, and I leave this Thursday to take him back home to his mommy and daddy)

Sorry if there was any confusion!!

:)

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I have to give him back.

I don't know if I can.

This sucks.

On Saturday we took the boys to a local produce farm. They have a little petting zoo for the kids, and Alex loved it.

We started out at the chickens.

This picture was taken just before the "incident." Alex had one piece of corn in his hand and he wanted to feed the chickens. The orange chicken you see in the picture jumped up and took the corn out of his hand. We think he even got Alex's finger a little bit. Alex has been telling anyone who will sit still long enough about how the chicken bit his finger. He didn't cry and didn't seem to be too scared. :)

Helllllloooooooo!!!!!

Our first attempt at Alex looking like a pig.

After Alex loved the Day out with Thomas, Jay has decided to try to encourage this love for trains. He went out and bought the Thomas starter kit and then made this train table. Alex LOVES it. It's now up in the family room (because I really don't even want to have a room for us)

Ok - another picture that I LOVE. My hair looks horrible, but I love that I have my two boys with me. Jay took this with his cell phone which is why the quality isn't great.

Aw, Shucks and a Tag

Mandy gave me my first Blog Award!!! I've seen other people get blog awards, so I'm touched that I got one.

I think Mandy and I may be one of those weird virtual twin people. (by the way, Mandy, I'm going to see Wicked in Chicago on the 29th - 3rd row tickets!!!) We are both from Ohio, we both LOVE the Buckeyes, musical theatre, Barry Manilow, and she is now thinking about getting her MLS!!! :)

JuJu tagged me AGES ago to list 5 things I can't live without. (and they can't be everyday things like my computer or cell phone) Let's see if I can do this.

1. TiVo (well, we actually now have DirecTV DVR but it's the same thing) I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE TiVo. I believe that it's the best invention in the whole world. I rarely watch commercials, I can watch my shows after the boys go to bed, I can watch shows that are on when I'm not home, and I could go on and on. :)

2. Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner - We have this in our shower and I'm amazed at how well it works. We just run it after we are both done with our shower and it keeps it clean without having to scrub.

3. My Piano - I've been playing piano since I was in 4th grade. (so, for a really long time) I love playing the piano. It's my stress relief, my hobby, and my talent. I also love that Alex likes to play along with me.

4. Baby Wipes - Is this just a big secret that parents don't want people without children to know about? These things are great. I think I will always carry some with me even when Alex is out of diapers.

5. My Bible - I've never been one to do much Bible reading or devotionals (I go in spurts) but I've been trying to be better about it recently.

Check back tomorrow when I'll have pictures of the petting zoo we went to today as well as Alex's new train table that Jay built.

We Interrupt This Blog with Some Pictures

So, I'm not exactly following Sarah's FFF theme, but these were the pictures that were on my camera.

Here is Alex at Day out with Thomas. Jay and his dad took both Alex's to this last Friday. I had an almost entire day to myself!! It was wonderful. Alex had a GREAT time. (although you really can't tell from these pictures.)





These pictures are from the party at my aunt and uncle's last week. They have a full size pool, but it was REALLY cold. They also set up this baby pool for the kids to play in. It took Alex some time to warm up to the water play, but then he really got into it.

He's trying to squirt water on my dad in these next pictures.

And, just chillin'