I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. I Samuel 1:27

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Guilt

After coming back from Guatemala in July and again in March (I went to Guatemala for a week on a mission trip with Global Orphan Team ) I vowed to come back and make a difference. The poverty I saw - the need - the waste that we have in the US - and how it could be put to good use down there. I was determined to change my ways.

And then - life sets back in.

On Friday, I went and got a full body massage. It was wonderful - I hadn't had one in about a year. I then bought some product (some great foot relief lotion from Aveda and makes my feet happy and smells heavenly!). I spent about $100. That $100 could have fed baby Alex's family for about 2 weeks.

GUILT

Jay and I are planning a mini-vacation in July to Detroit (yes, I know, you are all VERY jealous). We've decided to go ahead and spend the money and stay at the MGM Grand. It's more expensive then the other places we were looking at, but it just works out better for our trip. The extra money we are spending could help pay for a month of support for all of the kids at Los Gozosos

GUILT

Jay and I went to IKEA on Saturday to pick out new furniture for our basement that we are finishing off. We picked out a couch (sleeper), ottoman, storage unit for Alex's toys (with baskets), desk, and shelving unit for the wall. We spent about $3,500 on paper. Do you have any idea what that money could do in Guatemala????

GUILT

I'm trying to figure out how I live my life - this is all I think about.

I think it was easier when I didn't know.

11 comments:

Mandy said...

I think it would be hard to come back from that.

(I KNOW that foot lotion, my BFF works in an Aveda salon, its heavenly.)

Cameo said...

I know what you mean Kim. I really do. The thing is, you DO things, you DID something, you did that incredible mission trip!!! Most people either, A- don't give a s**t (I'm trying not to swear on other people's blogs, censoring myself) about how people in other countries live, or B- go get their kids, come home and never think about the country again. Yes, I know I'm saying very controversial and I stand behind my comment. I know of several adoptive families who basically erase all the kids' culture and heritage (no one that blogs so please, everyone, don't get your panties in a twist). Huh. Guess I don't censor myself very well, do I? I guess I need to go back and stop leaving comments!

Vanessa said...

Kim, I too know exactly what you mean!! I ALWAYS find myself thiking about what the money I spent could have bought in Guatemala. Once you see it there is NO way to turn back and forget..you're FOREVER changed!! I too do lots of mission trips and each time I go makes me more and more aware of how much the people here are wasteful!! I'm praying to be able to spend 4-6 weeks next summer helping to make BIG things happen for the people of Guatemala!

Madelyn's Mommy said...

It would be alot easier if we didn't know how others live when we have all the luxuries in life.

But you have an amazing heart and God is and will continue to use you to reach others.

Andrea

skinny minny said...

ok stop with the guilt! it is counter-productive. We are NOT required to make ourselves live lives of want or discomfort in order to help others. You do a lot not only through adopting but going on mIssion trips, having a child in need of medical help in your home so he could get the best medical avaialable. You also make peopel aware of things they can do to help in Guatamala.
As for doign a l ittle pampering or family vacations or home makeovers there should be no guilt unless YOUR child is in need and you forgo that for the other.
While I know things are bad in other parts of the world things are also bad for some here too so if going back to help is not happening right now and you want to do something to offset the guilt why not teach alex about helping his fellow man by helping out somewhere local? food banks, soup kitchens, or even visiting a hospital or retiremnet community. There are lots of places to volunteer or that need donations. You could even give blood at a blood drive or work at a blood drive.
Just a thought. LET GO OF THE GUILT.

JuJu - said...

Kim -- you do more than you realize. We all wrestle with this one. Once you know - you know. God is using you to do amazing things - let go of the guilt and lay it at the feet of Jesus - he loves you just the way you are and he will guide you and Jay on how to make a difference. He is the ONLY one you answer to:):)

Hugs to you today and know that I think you are incredible - just the way you are -and I know you well enough to know how giving you really are -

Love you

JuJu

Leslie said...

KIM i get like this too and it kills me!!!! You have done some wonderful things for the people of Guatemala..you DESErve it!

Hugs,leslie

Greta Jo said...

OMG I can relate. Praise God for the work you have and are doing in Guatemala. Thank you!

Holly said...

Kim, I can empathize completely. But as Skinny Minny said, you do so much already. You have to be able to take care of yourself, too, so you have the strength to continue to do all the good you do!

Carrie S said...

Yep...we all have it, but a big part of that is God has laid the orphans on your heart...he will lead you with these feelings.

Andrea said...

I hear you! I have been thinking about Guatemala again so much lately. But the good that we are going to do with GOT is going to be incredible!! I know your heart is in the right place, and you're going to turn that guilt into something more than you could have ever imagined!! Love you!