I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. I Samuel 1:27

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Slamming Into the Wall

****Edited**** - Angel is challenging people to get real on their blog. Since I just did a Get Real post, I thought I would link this one!

I really wanted to post this on Friday night, but just didn't have the strength (or mental capacity to do it)

From Monday night - Friday night I got probably a total of 12 hours of sleep. I don't do well without my sleep. :) Baby A was doing really well, but he's a tummy sleeper. To keep him on his back, we've had to either have him sleep on our lap or in his swing. The swing was working pretty good the first day home, but he soon realized that he couldn't move around much in it. So, he's been sleeping mostly in our laps. (I say our - Jay has really helped this weekend)

I was surviving until Friday night. It was about 9:00, Baby A was on my lap just hanging out. (well, actually a little upset that I wouldn't let him crawl around on the floor) Jay was sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie. It all of the sudden hit me that I was going to start crying. I put Baby A in the exersaucer, ran into our bathroom, got in the shower and just bawled. :( I was emotionally worn out.

And you know what - I shouldn't have been. Yes, I wasn't getting much sleep. We had two scares with Big Alex (his foot and then being sent home from day care on Tuesday). Watching a baby (even if it's not yours) go through surgery is tough. But, Baby A has been a dream. He doesn't cry much and when he does, it's easy to figure out what he wants.

How would I handle it if something major happened to Alex? How do people deal with chronic, life threatening illnesses with their children? I have much more empathy for these families, and have come to realize that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

Jay takes Baby A to the surgeon tomorrow to get the stitches out. We are hopeful that he will be allowed to crawl, get the arm restraints off, and be given the go ahead to sleep on his back.

On Saturday, Jay took Alex to a train show in Louisville. They had a great time.

(I love this picture!!! This is Alex out in our front yard. He was playing with the flowers)


Krystal said...

Oh, Kim - you are one of the strongest people ever! What you are doing and what you are going through right now is a serious, serious thing! Cry when you need to :)

I love that last pic of Alex! There is something about a boy in a muscle shirt that makes me smile :)

DJ Holly Rock said...


Kids bring a whole new light to the way we think, don't they. I think about things that I would have NEVER thought about before. As we were driving to the zoo I was thinking about what I would do if the jaguar jumped out of his enclosure or a gorilla escaped...how would I protect my child. I was relieved when it started raining before we got there and never had to even go in. Situation averted.

Cry it out!!! I always feel better after a good cry but I think I am emotionally challenged (thank you a-hole ex husband) and I don't cry enough.

Just know that you have plenty of shoulders to lean on when times get too tough.


monskyatmercer said...

Girlfriend - you are way stronger than you give yourself credit for!! Remember, the big guy up there doesn't give us more than we can handle (I know, I know, sometimes I wonder why I can't be weaker either :-)

Like Holly said - you're surrounded by good friends who will help support you during those times you're feeling not so tough!

Your friend always - Mel

Michelle Smiles said...

Sounds like you were overdue to slam into that wall. Heck even without the additional stressors you have, I sometimes hit that wall (and it is usually on a Friday). Kids change everything right to the core.

Anonymous said...

Kim you are so strong. God made you that way so that you could take care of these little ones but He also has a way of reminding all of us that we all are dependent on Him. - Sandra

Sarah said...

Ahhh Kim... of course you are mentally wiped out. You are such a strong person and have given everything of yourself for both your Alex and baby Alex. There are so many little moments that happen in life that give things whole new meanings. I am glad you allowed yourself the time to cry it out! I bet you felt tons better afterwards too.

Wish I could reach through and give you a great big hug right now!

Love ya!!

Becca said...

Kim - I want to hug you right now. You're a strong person or you wouldn't have ever had the courage to adopt or foster. I think you are one of the best people I have ever met.

Peace and (((HUGS))),

nikki said...

Kids change you, right to your very DNA. Having baby A go through surgery, and recovery, and you being his foster PARENT, had to take it's toll. Sometimes you need a good cry just to let it all out!!


Angel said...

I am SO proud of you. You have got so much going on. Hang in there.

I'm glad you got real with me. :0) Angel