I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. I Samuel 1:27

Sunday, May 27, 2007

"The Reluctant Dad"

Do any of you get Parents magazine? If so, did you read the article in the June issue called The Reluctant Dad?

This article made me SOOOOOO mad. The teaser says, "I thought of a million reasons why adopting a baby was a bad idea. But as soon as I met my daughter I forgot them all."

I thought - oh yeah - an article about how some people need time to get used to the whole adoption thing. This is a good thing.

Then I read the article

Here are some excerpts:

"It's true I had my doubts (oh, did I have my doubts!!). I was convinced adoption would ruin everything - my career, my lifestyle, my marriage. But the fact is I didn't run off. I didn't get a divorce...."

"A lot of women just don't get why men hesitate before plunging into adoption. Men are realists. We know what's at stake: time, money, career, sleep, and control of the remote. Where are you going to find time for a kid? You don't have any time as it is. and if you had a kid, you wouldn't get to go to the gym anymore. No more spur-of -the-moment movies. No more dinners at your favorite restaurant. You'll be exhausted getting up every two hours to feed a crying baby or change a dirty diaper. Let's face it: You've got other things to do. But with a kid, you'll never be allowed to do them. You think you'll get to watch Meet the Press Sunday mornings when Dora the Explorer is on? Not a chance."

Then he goes on to talk about money, jobs, etc.

Is it just me - or is everything this guy is saying has to do with being a Parent - it has nothing to do with adoption!!! The only thing he said in the ENTIRE article that was true in adoption was this sentence:

"And then there's this to consider: If you're adopting a child, we're talking about someone else's kid, not your own flesh and blood."

This just made me so mad.

He did sort of redeem himself with this end to the article. "The really big lesson I've learned is that adoption doesn't matter. Once you've become a parent, you stop thinking about how the kid came into your life. You're her father. She's your child. Adoption becomes a footnote, an asterisk that can easily be ignored. And ignore it I do."

I'm sure he's a great dad - I just didn't understand the article.

(and maybe I'm just being sensitive!!)

(Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I'll write more about the lunch we had yesterday. Jay and his dad are doing ok. It's just hard to tell with them sometimes!! I'm just SO thankful that we have Alex. He has been a really nice distraction for all of us)


ginger said...

I read that!!! I agree it is more about actually being a parent instead of adoption.

Krystal said...

I didn't read it -- I was so mad at the magazine for the article "Where I got Daisy" (I think in May), that I ditched the June copyh without even opening it. I meant to post a rant about that one - I may do it tonight now that you've got me all fired up!!!

Krystal said...

No, wait, my "rant" article ran in Parenting magazine.

Alleen said...

I didn't read it, but yeah, I agree, it's about parenting, not adoption.

Lori said...

WHAT?!! Someone please write the editor and say something!!! Wow!! The ignorance of some people!!

Dominick's Mommy said...

I hope you don't hate me for saying this, but I did read that article and the title hit home for me because my husband was very much reluctant about adopting. I agree that the article didn't quite make sense because to me it wasn't about adopting, just about becoming a parent. But I wasn't offended because my husband took way longer to warm up to adopting than I did. And he now loves our child more than life itself.

Mommy2B said...

Hi Kim...

Are you my SBP? I think I picked the correct Kim from Michelle's blog. Let me know. If you are the correct Kim I loved your gifts and I included a picutre of Kenzie wearing the blue butterfly outfit on my blog. Did you see it? Thank you so much for all of your encouraging emails.
If I have the wrong kim please email me at daby88@verizon.net so I can track down the correct Kim.

Crystal said...

ooooh Kim I am so so so so sorry to hear about Jay's mom I hope you are doing okay and I hope Jay is okay too. No matter how long she has been sick I don't think anything can prepare you for this. I am so sorry I have not been around sooner. If you need anything --anything at all please please let me know.--my phone number is 614-309-4654

If this isn't a great time I understand --but you guys are welcome here anytime day or night! I read when you said you would be passing thru--I would love to see you! I understand if you can't.

hugs hugs hugs to you I am so sorry I have not been around but please know I am here for you whatever you need I am here

Andrea said...

Yea, I'd say that it was more about parenting than adoption. I think I'd be fired up about it.

Soltana said...

I didn't read it... but I bet it was awful... people are sooo stupid sometimes...

Glad Jay and his dad are doing better. You''re all still in my thoughts :)..

Only 498 miles to go..I slacked off alittle... vacation... I'll be there by Christmas... wanna make cookies ?? :) :)

Trace said...

I don't get that magazine, but my husband is definitely reluctant because to him adoption is NOT real and tangible. He says that he won't be excited until we have all the papers signed and a baby in the nursery. But, from the blurbs you cited, the author does seem to be talking about parenting, not adoption.

Kris and Mindy said...

I was very upset about the article because it seemed to stereotype fathers. I can tell you my husband have never in his life felt the way that this man felt and then to tie it to adoption made it even worse for me. Regardless of how it was intended...I know plenty of men wh do NOT feel that way at all and I truly didn't like the article or the way it was titled. I was excited to see something on adoption on the cover and then read it and threw the magazine on the floor. Terrible. Thanks for bringing it up...I almost did the same thing on my blog.