I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past couple of weeks.
I've been crying and grieving a lot recently - for Alex's birthmom. I don't know why I'm doing this now - and not when we brought him home - or at his first birthday.
I had my first breakdown at the end of August. I was telling Alex his adoption story (like I try to do quite frequently) and I just starting bawling and couldn't stop. I know that this is a normal process and I just have to work through it but it's been hard.
All I think of is what a great, amazing, smart, funny, loveable kid Alex is and how she is missing this. I feel guilty that I get to experience this - that I'm the one that gets to read him books, hear his first words, tuck him in at night - mostly because there isn't a social network in Guatemala that would have supported H. in keeping him.
I was doing pretty good until yesterday. For the first time in about 9 months I was listening to our local Christian Music Station. A song came on that I immediately recognized as a Mark Schultz song. I knew he had a new album that had just been released. And then I listened to the song. I almost had to pull over I was crying so hard.
The song name is "Everything to Me." Mark Schultz was adopted and this is a love song to his birthmom. A way to let her know that he's had a good life and he's so grateful that she gave *him* life.
I just pray that H. understands how much we appreciate her and the gift she gave us.
If you haven't seen it/heard it - here's the video. I suggest you have Kleenex ready.