A Few Pics

I still need to download pictures off of my camera, but here are a few from Jay's dad and one that Jay took with his new cell phone.

Here's a picture of Alex with my mom. This was right after all of the present opening.

Here's Alex with two of his Dora balls. This is what he did most of Christmas day. He would not let them go, and he even has had to sleep with them.

This was a picture that Jay's dad took of Alex a couple of weeks ago when he was visiting. I LOVE this picture. It really shows Alex's personality. (you know, mischievous!)

Whew! What a Christmas

We made it home and we've had quite a couple of weeks.

I didn't blog last week because, guess what?, I was sick AGAIN!! I got over my tonsil infection and then two days later got a huge head cold. I was so sick last week it was pathetic. I couldn't breathe - my head was so stuffed up - and the snot - oh the snot!!!! It was so bad that it was Thursday morning, we were wanting to leave that night at 6:00 and not one thing was packed.

We did make it out at 6:15 (I'm not sure how) and we made the almost 6 hour trip to my parents. Alex did great, and slept in the car. We got to my parent's house at 12:30 am. We weren't able to get him in the house without him waking up and he wouldn't got back to sleep. Jay was up with him from 1:30-3:30. At 3:30 he gave him to me as he couldn't stay up anymore. I was up with him until around 4:45 when we both got in the car and went for a ride. Of course, he fell asleep right away. I was able to get him in his crib and he slept for a couple of hours. That was then repeated almost every night that we were gone.

Friday we didn't do much of anything. (it was nice)

As many of you know, Bekah and I grew up in the same town. Unfortunately, we weren't able to meet up with Drew and Bekah this trip. But, I did find out that one of the guys that I graduated from high school with and his wife just brought their daughter home from Guatemala about 3 weeks ago. K was able to come over with beautiful E. It was so nice to see him. (K also went to our church growing up so he and I spent a lot of time together growing up) E. is BEAUTIFUL and seeing her did NOTHING to lessen my desire to have a baby girl from Guatemala. :)

We did Christmas on Sunday with my family. It was all a little overwhelming for Alex. :) He wasn't quite sure what to do with all the presents. As I mentioned earlier, Jay got me an iPod Touch which I LOVE LOVE LOVE!! It's pretty cool.

We left Monday morning and drove the 3 hours to Jay's dad's house. Alex basically still wasn't sleeping and I still wasn't any better.

Jay's dad got Alex a set of 3 balls (soccer, football, softball) that are pink and purple and have Dora all over them. I thought Alex was going to have a heart attack when he opened that present. He was so excited.

We then left Wednesday morning for the 6 hour trip home. Alex traveled really well - he just didn't do so good once we got where we were going.

And the kicker of all of this - I took NO pictures. You heard that right. I just never got the camera out. So, I leave you with this picture. Jay took it with his cell phone after we had opened all the presents at my parent's house.

I have lots of presents from before Christmas that I'll post later. I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday!!

(Ok - Blogger won't let me post a picture right now - I'll try again later)

Merry Christmas

We would like to wish your family a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year! We just spent a few days at my parents and now we are at Jay's dad's house.

Santa as very good to me as I'm typing this on my new iPod Touch!! This thing is pretty amazing.

I hope everyone stays safe and has a good holiday.

Guatadopt Calendar

So - do you have yours yet???? I just got mine in the mail today. I was so excited this year as we just missed the deadline to have Alex in it last year.

I was going through it and I think I found some of my blogger buddies. Here's the ones I could find. If I missed your child - let me know in the comments.

January - Is that Nino? (bottom of the top page in the bouncy) If so, they spelled his name wrong. :)

January - Sabrina (I could pick out that smile ANYWHERE!!)

March - Maya (I always loved that picture)

April - My little guy!! (down in the far bottom right hand corner)

June - Kemry (what a sweet picture)

June - Alec and Mikayla (poor Alec's name was left off!!)

October - Gia? (is that her in the upper left hand corner?

December - Kya Blu

MUCH Better

First - thanks for all of your kind words. I really was not feeling well on Sunday!!!

Jay forced me to call our friend who is an ENT on Sunday. It wasn't that I didn't want to call him, but I didn't want to be that person who tried to get free medical advice. ;) Well, he wanted to see me to make sure that there wasn't something more that needed to be done.

So, I went and saw him Monday morning. By that time I was already feeling better. He looked at my throat and said that he didn't need to do anything to it, but I had better let him know if I didn't get any better. He also told me that if I get one more tonsil infection he would suggest that I have them taken out. :(

So, here I am a few days later, and my antibiotics are obviously working. I can swallow, breathe, and it doesn't look like I have a goiter on the side of my neck.

This is jut another example of how thankful I am that I have access and can afford good healthcare. Although Urgent Care is twice my typical co-pay (as was the ENT) I could afford it. I didn't think about the money at all when I decided to go to Urgent Care, or to get my prescriptions filled. How blessed am I!!! Because I went when I did - and got the medicine started when I did - I got better very quickly. All I could think about was the people that Mayan Families works with - how if something like this would happen to them - it would probably get to the point of it being an emergency - and even then they may not have the ability to do anything about it.

Alex has a really bad cold - so I'm hoping that it doesn't turn into another ear infection.

Here's a picture of Alex's first ornament - he made this at day care.


We've decided to only put up our little tree this year. It's pre-lit and we aren't putting any ornaments on it. Alex loves the tree. He likes to go up to it, point, and say "Mama, WOW." His latest phrase is "No way" - which he says with a twinkle in his eye.

Let's Play Jeopardy!

Ok - so the answer is "WOW"

Do you know what the question is? I'll give you a hint - I was at Urgent Care.

Well - the question is: What do you NOT want to hear your doctor say when he looks in your throat.

My throat started getting worse again this weekend, so I headed to the Urgent Care after church. And yes, that is really what the doctor said while he was looking in my mouth.

I guess I have a VERY infected, enlarged, red, etc. right tonsil. It's practically cutting off my windpipe. He said if it was a little worse he would have sent me straight to the emergency room to have emergency SURGERY to have it drained!!! YUCK and YUCK.

So, I now have a heavy antibiotic, Diflucan for what will happen to me after the antibiotic, and Vicatin. :)

I literally can't swallow without this horrible stabbing pain. It's not fun.

So, it's all kind of fun in our house.

Me Too!! Me Too!!

Since everyone else was getting new looks for their blogs, I decided I needed one too!!

So, like everyone else, I contacted Nikki. Most of you know Nikki's story, but I'll tell you anyway. Nikki is a college student who spent some time this past summer in the Dominican Republic. She wants to go back this summer and spend an entire month working with the kids there. To help raise money, she is stylizing people's blogs. She's also only charging $20.00 with $5.00 during the month of December going to Kiva.org.

I haven't had a new look on my blog since I started it over 18 months ago.

I like it!!

Vacation

We made it back!! On one hand I was ready to come home but boy it was hard to leave the 82 degree weather and come back to the lower 30s!! (I'm not sure I ever said where we actually went - we spent the week on Sanibel Island with my parents in their time share.)

Alex did great on the flight home. He learned what airplanes were on this trip and every time he saw one in the sky, he had to point and say "Airplane!!!!!" When he discovered that we were getting on an airplane to come home his brain just about exploded he was so excited. :)

Sunday night my cousin and her husband went out to eat. My aunt, uncle and my cousin's two kids came to our condo for dinner. L. is 3 1/2 and W. is almost 2. Alex had so much fun playing with them.

Alex LOVED L. He wanted to hug her all the time.

He tried to do everything that L. did. You can kind of see it in this picture, but he was sweating he was playing so hard.

Here he is climbing on my mom.

Here's W. - isn't he cute!! (that's my uncle in the background)

Here's Alex at the beach for the first time. He wasn't too sure about it.

On Monday night we headed to the tip of Captiva Island to a restaurant called the Mucky Duck. It's a great place to get pictures at sunset. I really wanted to get a family picture taken. Unfortunately, it was pretty cloudy that night, it was really windy, and Alex was REALLY not in a mood to cooperate.

Do you see how windy it was??

We then tried to hand Alex to my parents to get a picture with them. Well - he wanted NOTHING to do with that. We have about 10 pictures - and video that looks like what you see below.

Here's my brother and sis-in-law. They are so cute they make me want to puke. :)

Here they are with Alex. Alex LOVED his Uncle Chris and Aunt Jamie. This is where he ended up most nights - on the couch playing with them.

There is a grocery store on the island that we went to. They were decorated for Christmas. As a northern, I found this pretty funny. I have to say that we don't see lizards on our Santa decorations up here. :)

They also had something that Alex really liked......

Birds!! They have about 6 parrots in cages around the grocery store. Alex loved going and looking at them.

There was also this big iguana that hung out all day Friday just outside our condo. He was really cool.

Alex seemed to learn SO much last week. He really started talking - he's added so many words - and he is now trying to say everything we are. (chickenbus is being used more and more in our household now!!)

He would go for "walks" with my mom and dad in the stroller every day. He loved this. He would go grab his stroller and say "bye bye."

My mom took him to the beach one day. He played in the sand for a little bit. We both tried to take him back another day and that lasted all of 30 seconds. :)

We did go to the pool every day. Alex really got brave. I did dunk him on the second day. I've never done that, but I felt like I needed to. He did good. He came up coughing and sputtering but he didn't cry. By Friday he was dunking himself! :) Not quite all the way down - but up to his nose. He LOVED it.

So we're back - back to work - back to daycare - back to real life. I was able to take naps every day, read a book and a half, and pretty much got to do what I wanted to. Between my parents and my bro and sis-in-law I didn't have to deal with Alex all that much. :)

We're Still Alive

We're having a great time on vacation. Alex is having a great time with my parents - and having fun on the beach and in the pool.

The internet access here is not very good. I've been able to keep up with most of the blogs, but I can't always comment.

I also can't upload any pictures!

Alex and I come home on Saturday. I hope everyone is having a great week!!

...And We're Off!!

I hope eveyone had a great Thanksgiving! We are packing up today and hit the air tomorrow to start our vacation. I'll be taking my computer and camera, so I should be blogging next week.

I was inspired by Kerry to take a video of Alex saying some of his words.

Enjoy!!

Book Ideas?

We are doing MUCH better at our house! I'm so glad my Alex is back and that demon child has moved on. :) I ended up taking Alex back to the doctor on Saturday as I was afraid the antibiotics weren't working. Turns out they were - his ear was clear - but he was also fighting some sort of virus.

My Buckeyes beat Michigan on Saturday - Oh Happy Day!!!

Does anyone have a suggestion for a good book? I want to get a book to take on vacation (as my parents will pretty much kidnap Alex and I actually might have some time to myself). I like just about anything. It can be adoption/parenting related, or just light fluff.

Help Me!!!

Ode to my Cough Medicine

Oh how I love you my sweet elixir of sleep. How you knock me out and keep me from coughing. How you allow me to sleep all night without waking up, my dear dear friend.

Yes, I took my cough medicine last night and it was the most wonderful thing ever!! I slept from 9:00-8:30. :)

Alex is still not doing very good. I think he now has a sinus infection going on. (poor boy)

And the last thing I have to say is:

GO BUCKS!!

BEAT MICHIGAN!!!!

Quick Update

My week as a single mom has been very trying!!

Last week I ended up with this crud that's going around. My symptoms have mostly been a horrible cough and general exhaustion.

So, Jay left Sunday morning. I had to both teach Sunday School and play piano for church. Alex did pretty good. We then went out to eat after church, Alex slept on the way home and then decided to not finish his nap.

Monday - around 7:00 that evening Alex came over and crawled in my lap. He had a fever - 102. I gave him Motrin, but we had a rough night. Between Alex being restless, the cat wanting in and out, and my coughing, I didn't get to sleep until 3:30 am - and then was up at 5:30!!

Tuesday morning - Alex still had a fever but wasn't showing any other symptoms of anything. I was a bad mommy. I gave him some Motrin and sent him to daycare. I got a phone call at 1:45 that he had a 102 fever. By the time I got to daycare it had gone up to 104. I was able to get into the doctor right away. Ear infection in one ear.

Today - I debated and debated this morning about sending him to daycare so I could go to work. I just couldn't do it! So, I was home again today.

Alex is doing better. In fact, I didn't even have to give him any Motrin before putting him to bed. I hate it when he is sick. He's just not himself!! I wish I could say the same thing about myself. I need to sleep - and I need to take my cough medicine - but I can't do that until Jay gets home. (my cough medicine knocks me out and makes me loopy!!)

Jay is home tomorrow night - and I can't wait!!!

Florida Anyone?

I know that many of my blogger buddies live in Florida. I've not paid a lot of attention to exactly where everyone is - and my geography is horrible anyway. :)

Are any of you from the Ft Myers/Naples area? If so, please email me. kimhartz@hotmail.com

(we are going to be there in a couple of weeks)

We are also in our official days of mourning at our house. Our beloved Buckeyes lost to Illinois this weekend, so we are no longer #1 and will not be playing for the National Championship. I'm a little disappointed. We really weren't supposed to have a good team this year - it's just that everyone else kept losing and we kept winning.

The thing I think I'm most upset about is that my boss (Hi K.!!) is a LSU fan, and we were going to try to get together to watch the game if they played each other for the National Championship. :)

The BIG GAME is Saturday - Noon - at the Big House (Michigan). The whole season will be worth it if we beat Michigan.

I'm also a single mom this week as Jay is out of town. We'll see how I do. (and yes - for all of the single moms who read this - I'm a big baby!!) Alex decided it was no nap Sunday again today, so it's been a good start!! :) The worst part is taking care of the horses. Not that it's that difficult - but I have to try to work that into my day both morning and night - with an 18 month old!!

Can you believe that we're only a week and a half from Thanksgiving?? Where has the fall gone?!?!?

I still have some pictures on my camera I need to get off. Here are a couple that my father in law took at Halloween. Papa (as Alex started calling him) came and spent a week and a half with us. It was nice to have him here. He started working on our basement. We are putting in a bathroom, kitchenette/bar and family room.

(Ok - Blogger won't let me put pictures up - I'll try later)

Can You Help?

Two of my blogger buddies are trying to help out two more of my blogger buddies.

Krystal and Sig are both working on unexpected adoptions.

Krystal and her husband adopted a boy from Guatemala, had a bio baby girl, and started an adoption of a second son from Guatemala. This child also had a bio brother that was going to be adopted by another family. That family thought it would be important for the brothers to stay together so Krystal's family had the opportunity to adopt both boys. This was an unexpected additional expense. They are doing everything they can to raise the money for these two adoptions.

Sig's family also just finished the adoption of their daughter (to join their bio kids) and just found out that they can adopt a beautiful girl from Azerbaijan. They attempted to adopt Tarana a couple years ago, but at the time it just wasn't going to work. They are also doing everything they can to pay for this adoption.

Julia and Holly are sponsoring an amazing raffle. Please check out their websites to learn more about these great families and see what they are giving away.

If you have the opportunity, please consider giving what you can. All proceeds will be split between Krystal and Sig. I've had the privilege of meeting Krystal and her family (they live not too far from me) and her children at home are beautiful and I'm sure Gerson and Elviz will fit right in. (I haven't had the opportunity to meet Sig in person, but she has a huge heart with a lot of love to give!!) These are amazing families that are just trying to give three amazing kids a forever family.

And if you can't give any money, please keep these families in your prayers as they work to bring these kids home.

Crying....

I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past couple of weeks.

I've been crying and grieving a lot recently - for Alex's birthmom. I don't know why I'm doing this now - and not when we brought him home - or at his first birthday.

I had my first breakdown at the end of August. I was telling Alex his adoption story (like I try to do quite frequently) and I just starting bawling and couldn't stop. I know that this is a normal process and I just have to work through it but it's been hard.

All I think of is what a great, amazing, smart, funny, loveable kid Alex is and how she is missing this. I feel guilty that I get to experience this - that I'm the one that gets to read him books, hear his first words, tuck him in at night - mostly because there isn't a social network in Guatemala that would have supported H. in keeping him.

I was doing pretty good until yesterday. For the first time in about 9 months I was listening to our local Christian Music Station. A song came on that I immediately recognized as a Mark Schultz song. I knew he had a new album that had just been released. And then I listened to the song. I almost had to pull over I was crying so hard.

The song name is "Everything to Me." Mark Schultz was adopted and this is a love song to his birthmom. A way to let her know that he's had a good life and he's so grateful that she gave *him* life.

I just pray that H. understands how much we appreciate her and the gift she gave us.

If you haven't seen it/heard it - here's the video. I suggest you have Kleenex ready.

Alex Update

As we are approaching Alex's 18 month birthday I thought I'd give an update on what Alex is doing now. (since this blog is also acting as his baby book)

Motor Skills:

Alex can now run...and run fast...although it's pretty hilarious to watch him. His arms go back and forth, he lifts his legs up really high, and his little bottom squirms back and forth. He's usually running away from me with something he's not supposed to have, and I'm usually laughing so hard that I can't get after him.

He's also able to jump now and can sort of get off of the ground. He's a very gifted stomper (and loves to do it and say "stomp!"). He is also trying to do forward rolls. He will put his head and hands on the floor with his bum up in the air and then he needs help flipping over. If he doesn't get help, he just sort of flops over on his side. He's getting really good at going up and down stairs, but he still won't go down stairs backwards so we really have to watch him.

He loves to dance and climb. (In fact, right now we are watching football on tv and I have Sirius on the computer playing Kid's Stuff and he's dancing around the room) His dancing is HILARIOUS!!!!! I love it. (although he stops when I get the camera out - he's not a dumb kid) He likes to climb on the couch, the bed and the glider. He can sit in the glider and get it to move back and forth. He also likes to do "One Little Monkey" on the couch. He learned this at gymnastics and we have to do it about 100 times a day.

He's starting to be interested in puzzles and drawing. He has a mini-Magna Doodle, and he loves playing with it. He can draw on it and erase it.

Signs: Here's a list of the signs he has added to his vocabulary. To see his base vocab, you can go to this post.

cheese
fish
zebra
elephant
giraffe
tiger
mouse
sheep
chicken
lion
octopus
whale
crab
socks
sleep
brush teeth
alligator
penguin
thank you
pig
rainbow (this is a two part sign -- you sign colors - which is tapping your fingers on your chin - and then use your two hands to draw the rainbow in the sky)
phone (this is his own made up sign)
pacifier (this is also his own made up sign)
ice cream
carrots (even though he won't eat them unless we hide them - I think he just likes the sign)


Speaking: Yes - he has actually started saying more words. He's really into mimicking right now, but it's starting to come. Here the words that he says on a regular basis

Dada
Dog-dog
Dora (this is his favorite word)
Diego
Boots (sort of - he's working on this one)
dank u (thank you)
Zack
Mama
Sit
shoes
sock
eye
Pooh
No (yes - he has learned this one - I have no idea where he's heard it!!)

Animal Sounds: He is starting to say some of his animal sounds.

Kitty (whenever he signs cat he has to make this meowing type sound)
Lion/Tiger (he does this growling thing)

Random Stuff:

Whenever he sees the Ohio State Buckeye Football team on tv he starts clapping and jumping up and down. (and yes, they beat Penn State yesterday!!)

Whenever I say "whoo hoo! Touchdown" he puts his arms straight up like he's indicating a touchdown. (can we say brainwashing?)

His Dora obsession is becoming alarming. :) When he watches a Dora episode, he has to dance to the beginning music and he holds his arm out to keep Swiper from swiping. (oh my gosh is it cute!!!) At the end of the episode, when Dora sings the "We Did It" song, Alex will bend his knees and move his arms back and forth across his body like Dora does. This also just melts me as it is SOOOO cute.

He can identify the following body parts on himself and others:

eye
nose
mouth
teeth
ears
hair
head
fingers
hand
toes
foot
belly

This is just such a fun age. He seems to learn something new every day, and this mommy is having a lot of fun!!

FF Day and Halloween at the Zoo

I know - it's been a week - I'm sorry. :)

We had a good weekend last week - Jay was still sick, so we didn't do much but hang out at home and watch football. (In case you were wondering - my Indians tanked, Ohio State won, and I'm losing quickly in my fantasy football league)

Alex is starting to talk. His favorite word is Dora (who, by the way, I hear is going to be taking out a restraining order on Alex very soon. His obsession with her is almost frightening).


We got an ice cream cake from DQ for our Forever Family Day. (it then doubled as Jay's birthday cake)



We didn't go to the zoo last Saturday, but did go Thursday night. It was a perfect time to go. It was kind of cold, and it was sort of drizzling when we left. But, when we got there, the skies cleared and there weren't many people there.

Here's our little Puss 'N Boots.

Here's his picture from last year - my little cow!!

Family picture. Doesn't Jay and Alex look great - me - not so much!

Had to include this one - look at that look at Alex's face. He wasn't very happy to be standing still.

Here's our family picture from last year at the same place. :)

Of course we had to wait in line to get Alex's picture taken with the Shrek characters.

My beautiful boy!!!

It has finally hit me that we are now in the part of his life where we are doing things again. We went to the zoo for Halloween again - we are going to the annual pancake breakfast at church again....I think I'm more emotional about this than when he went to these things for the first time.

Everyone have a great weekend and......

GO BUCKS!!!

BEAT PSU!!!

Happy Birthday Jay!!

Today is Jay's birthday. I won't say how old he is - but he's older than me!!

Unfortunately he's been battling a really bad cold for about a week now. So, it hasn't really been an exciting night! :) (it's 9:15 here and he's already in bed)

Thanks to all of you for your advice about Alex's sleeping. You all said things that I knew - I think I just needed to hear it again. We've been doing better (Jay and I - not sure about Alex). He is still screaming and waking up at least once a night - sometimes after 2 hours - sometimes after 6. We've been leaving him in his bed. He did wake up at 4:30 this morning and was ready to go!! (Mommy - not so much. I staid up as we were having storms and I wanted to watch the USF vs Rutgers game and the Indians lose)

We are headed to the zoo tomorrow. I can't believe that we took him there last year and we're going to do it again this year.

Well - Alex has decided to wake up!! He's only been in bed for about 40 minutes and had been quite for about 30.....it may be another long night!!!

Change in Sleeping Habits

Has anyone else experienced this? Alex has always been a GREAT sleeper. I could lay him down and he would go right to sleep. The last few nights have been horrible. He wakes up at least once or twice a night and seems to want to play and not go to sleep. If we take him back up to his room, he screams as if someone is beating him.

He has been working on some more teeth coming in, but they have poked through now, so I don't think that's the problem.

We don't know what to do as we think he has learned that if he cries enough we will get him up.

I let him cry last night (almost 7 minutes, by the way). Tonight he started in about 15 minutes after putting him down. After 9 minutes, Jay couldn't take it anymore and went up and got him.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'm listening!!!

Happy Forever Family Day!

I'm going to post this a day early, as I don't know if I'll have time tomorrow.

October 15th is the day that we came home with Alex. What a year we have had!! I still can't decide if it's gone quickly or not. In one way I can't believe that it's been a year already, on the other hand, it feels like a lifetime ago.


So pull up a chair and grab your coffee. These are pictures of Alex from the past year. How much he has changed!! And how blessed we are to have him in our family.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Guatoberfest Pictures

Here are my pictures (finally) from Guatoberfest. What a weekend we had!!!!! It's been fun to go look at everyone's pictures. I'll put links on here so you can go see pictures from people who actually took good (and many) pictures.

(today is our one year anniversary of our embassy appointment - the time has gone so fast, but yet that seems like a lifetime ago!!)

Alex kept checking out all of the kids in the room.

Kerry - talking to the group.

Yeah Kerry and JuJu!!! You guys did a great job!!

Gabriella - will you be mine?

Mommy, I think she said yes!!!!!

Oh, crap - I forgot what daddy told me. Do you guys see that smile on her face? She now thinks I'm going to buy her purses!!!! (daddy told me that mommy likes purses a lot also, and he has to buy her new ones all the time.)

Yeah!! Steps!!! (mommy really wished that daddy was on the trip once I found the steps)

YEAH!!! Mommy - do you see all of these really cool kids??!??!

How do I look in this? (yes, this is a preview of his Halloween outfit)

The Saturday evening dinner crew. (Mindy, Alex, JB, Sophie, Cameron and Gabriella)

What did you say, Mindy? The kids are back there playing in the grass? What are doing still in these strollers???

Ummm, excuse me, can I stand on that, please?

Ok - I guess I'll just stand on this one.

Ok - this was hilarious!! Sophie wasn't sure about the grass at first. She crawled around on her hands and feet like this. It was almost like she didn't want to get her knees in the grass. It was pretty funny!!

But....it didn't last forever.

This is the only picture I got from the aquarium. Alex was tired and cranky - and it was very crowded. (but it was pretty amazing!!)

Dora, do you want me to brush your hair?

Psych!! I need to brush my own hair.

(ok - so those last two weren't from Guatoberfest but were from today)